Overwhelmed

I was warned there would come a day when I would feel like quitting, but I didn't really believe it would happen.

That day for me was last Wednesday.

Emails were coming from all directions and I was jostling reminders jotted on half a dozen scraps of paper. I wasn't sure how to respond to some of the emails, but when I skipped one, I was paranoid I was going to lose it in the shuffle. Was it something I needed to add to a spreadsheet? Which one? What information did the spreadsheet ask for? Did anyone need to be emailed first? Or after? Who? Or was it something I'm supposed to forward on to someone else?

Ahh!

Already feeling frazzled, I set out to meet with my first client, a person wanting to fill out a HEAP application for help with paying heating costs.

Yes, the software is the expert and, yes, I was "trained" in what amounted to a crash course in public benefits, but people still expect you to explain how things work. And their mothers come along and tell you they are raising three grandkids whose father is in prison. And they missed a PIPP payment and want to make sure their utilities don't get shut off. And they haven't been to the doctor in years because they don't have medical coverage but they really want to go and what are their options?

When faced with a messy, real-life situation, the hypothetical, straight-forward practice scenarios flew out the window and my mind was both blank and reeling.

These were REAL problems and people were looking to me to help them. I felt completely inadequate and ill-equipped. Who was I to help them navigate a system I barely understand myself yet? Three weeks ago I had barely heard of any of these programs.

Social services folks and those who have been working with the programs for years seem to have forgotten how overwhelming everything seems at first. Learning about the benefits PLUS the dozens of county agencies PLUS the software PLUS how to teach the software PLUS the spreadsheet system PLUS the regular stresses of navigating a new workplace, new coworkers and a new city.

PHEW!

I had to remind myself yet again to take a deep breath. Slow down. Think. Relax. No need to reinvent the wheel, think it all through myself and shoulder full responsibility for these problems. Let the software do it's job. Ask questions. Don't be afraid to get back to them. No need to rush.

Baby steps.